Many thanks to Annie, at Simple. I Just Do. for nominating me for a Liebster Award! The Liebster Award is meant to recognize and promote bloggers who don’t have a ton of followers (under 200, to be exact). I’ve said it before, but I tend to break most blogging rules. I didn’t mean to take so long to respond to this though, truly I didn’t. With apologies for my tardiness, here it goes.
First , some random facts about myself:
1. I could go the rest of my life without eating ice cream or chocolate and be okay.
2. I have never seen Pocahontas or Finding Nemo.
3. I have a hard time thinking of facts about myself.
4. I once received a kiss on the cheek from a member of The Rat Pack.
Now, I’ll answer Annie’s questions:
1. Mac or PC?
PC. One day I’ll get a Mac, but no can do on the budget right now.
2. Best book series you’ve ever read?
I haven’t read a book series since I was a kid. I guess I’m not one for the series. One and done.
3. Favorite section of the art museum to visit?
I haven’t been to one in an embarrassingly long time. But I like paintings more than sculptures.
4. Most annoying thing (that bothers you)?
I honestly can’t break that down. There are too many. Lately, well consistently, it pisses me off when people say “Oh, that poor boy,” when they find out that my son has four sisters. Don’t get me started . . .
5. Night Owl or Early Riser?
Both, which is not good. Not good at all.
6. What would your friends say is your best quality?
I don’t know, funny?
7. At what temperature do you turn on the AC?
Hmmm. It depends on who is home. I often turn it off and open the windows.
8. Beaches or Mountains?
Beaches, the sound of the ocean is comforting.
9. If you could only eat one food for the rest of your life, what would it be?
Food, meh. No answer here.
10. Worst chore?
Cleaning the toilet, or more accurately, the floor around the toilet.
11. Current guilty pleasure?
Honestly, sometimes I feel really guilty about, yet derive great pleasure from, blogging. Weird.
Now I’ll nominate my own people and ask them questions! I will massage the rules and nominate only 3, and ask only a few questions, easy ones.
I hereby nominate the following blogs for the Liebster Award:
Please take a bow. I invite my followers to drop by the above blogs, as I have found them enjoyable. Click on, baby, click on.
Now, here are my questions for these freshly minted Nominees, answer as many or as few as you’d like:
1. How do you like your eggs, if you eat them?
2. How many TVs are in your home?
3. Did you go to your senior prom, if there was one?
4. Do you use more than two fingers to type?
5. Do you have other writing projects, apart from your blog?
6. Do you have a smart phone, if so, what kind?
7. How do you like your coffee, if you drink it?
Here are the Liebster Award “rules” :
1.Thank the Liebster-winning Blogger who nominated you and link back to their blog.
2. Post 11 interesting facts about yourself.
3. Answer the 11 questions your nominator asked.
4. Create 11 questions for your nominees.
5. Nominate 11 blogs of 200 followers or less which you feel deserve to be noticed and leave a comment on their blog letting them know they have been chosen.
6. Display the Liebster Award
I’m honored to have received the award (again — yay!). Soon, I hope, I will be technically ineligible for this award, as I’m almost at 200 followers! Thanks to my readers and followers for finding and sticking with me! And thanks again, Annie at Simple. I Just Do. for nominating me!
Just Me With . . . a Liebster Award.
Thank you to Prego and The Loon who nominated me for the above Reader Appreciation Award. I’ve just recently discovered both her blog and that we have more in common than it might seem, at least at first glance. I’m honored to be included in her list of nominees and recommend her blog for an honest and personal account of an abusive relationship.
That said, I will follow most of the Award’s rules, which are as follows:
The award rules:
1. Link back to the person who nominated you.
2. Attach the icon to your site.
3. Answer the questions.
4. Nominate some other bloggers whom you feel deserve this award!
Here are my answers to Prego and The Loon‘s questions:
Q: Do you watch television?
Yes, I do. But I rarely watch it unless I’m doing something else. I use it for background noise or company. Often I turn on something I’ve seen before (so I don’t have to actually pay attention) or some informational type DIY show, again, where I don’t have to pay attention.
I don’t know. I used to answer John Irving. It depends on the genre and my mood.
Q: Do you like 80′s movies?
Yes, I do. Especially Fatal Attraction, Dangerous Liaisons, The Big Chill, Amadeus, and Rain Man.
Too hard to answer. One really can’t put one “ism” over another.
Q: What is the weirdest thing you’ve ever eaten?
I don’t mess with weird foods. I’ve had chitterlings (chitlins), but did not enjoy it.
Q: How do you like your eggs?
Scrambled, hard. (Somehow that sounds dirty . . . heh heh heh)
Q:When did you discover blogging?
I can’t believe it will be two years in a few months.
Q: Why do like to blog?
It gives me the ability to instantly share my thoughts. It allows me to connect with people around the world. It also gives me a sense of completion when I hit “publish.”
Now it’s my turn to nominate other bloggers for this award.
Recently I was a recipient of another blogger award, The Liebster Award, and explained that I’m not so good with following rules. I won’t repeat it my reasoning here , instead I’ll just play fast and loose. Since this is a Reader Appreciation Award, I’ll nominate two bloggers, one who has been a long-time reader and one who more recently discovered my space. They are completely different — but that’s what’s so cool about blogging.
Accordingly I hereby nominate:
I don’t have any questions for these bloggers. Their own blogs and comments speak for themselves, quite well. I nominate them with the proviso that they can choose to answer Prego and The Loon‘s questions above, or ask themselves their own questions, or choose not to respond at all — no pressure.
I thank these bloggers — and anyone else who stumbles upon this place — for reading.
Just Me With . . . A Reader Appreciation Award
Thank you so much to Knocked Over By A Feather for nominating this blog for the Liebster Award!
I am flattered to have been nominated. I still feel new to this blogging community and it’s nice to be included. Reportedly, this award is given to bloggers with less than 200 followers that another blogger feels should get some recognition.
There are 4 steps to receiving this award.
- List 11 things about yourself.
- Answer your nominator’s 11 questions.
- Choose up to 11 bloggers with less than 200 followers and ask them your own questions.
- Inform your nominees of their award nominations.
I routinely break blog rules. For example, my blog is not about one topic (except me) and I tend to follow blogs I enjoy even if the writer seems (on paper) to have nothing in common with me. That said, I’m going to take some liberties with the required steps because I’m finding them very difficult for me to follow.
Writing facts about myself is hard because I’m in the process of rediscovery and rebuilding, so I’ll list just a few.
1. I have a really hard time writing facts about myself — duh.
2. I do not have a favorite song.
3. I am more comfortable doing public speaking than I am speaking one-on-one.
4. I once tried to be Miss America.
5. I know how to set a fence post.
6. I could live the remainder of my days without eating ice cream or chocolate.
My Answers to questions from Knocked Over By A Feather.
1. Fact or fiction?
- It’s a fine line.
2.What is your favorite animal and why?
- I like dogs. They are loyal and responsive.
3. Do you think being rich would make you happy?
- No, but it would alleviate much stress, and that would be a start.
4. Are you bright eyed and bushy tailed in the morning, or grumpasauras rex?
- I am grumpy, but only if my sole purpose for getting up is to attend to things I don’t feel like doing. Also, I never get enough sleep.
5. What is your favorite dessert?
- I can live without dessert, but when I have it, it is cheesecake.
6. What is your favorite thing about blogging?
- I am always amazed that people read it, especially people from around the world. That is so cool.
7. Do you like reality TV shows?
- Depends on the type. I like the DIY type shows because they help me in my home repairs. The only entertainment competition show that I can watch (only parts of) is American Idol. I dislike singers trying to out-sing each other in head to head competition on stage at the same time, so the newer shows irk me. They all irk me, actually. The dating shows, no. Most of the other types of shows merely showcase high maintenance (almost drag queen levels of made up) women behaving badly — so I can’t stand them. Plus, you know, like, I really thought that, you know, it was going to happen, but you know, when I see him and her there I don’t know what to think . . . you know?
8. If you could have lunch with one famous person, dead or alive, who would it be?
- I can’t answer this one. I can’t commit.
9. What is your favorite breakfast cereal?
- I never eat cereal.
10. Do you believe that love is all we need?
11. Chocolate or vanilla? Possibly strawberry?
- Chocolate, if I have to choose.
Okay, I’ve had some difficulty with the rules, as is obvious. I don’t know how to choose 11 blogs with relatively few followers because I don’t look at the number of followers of the blogs I read, I just read them (also, unless the number of followers is on the home page, I don’t know how to find out). Admittedly, I’m not as good as I’d like to be in keeping track of blogs since I read so many different kinds. Choosing them started to overwhelm me. (Sounds lame, but for some reason this proved to be so hard for me.) And so I will nominate only one blog, with the proviso that I hope she feels no obligation to accept the award’s rules because she has a lot going on and I don’t want to give her any more stress.
I Won’t Take It — This is a blog I discovered recently about a woman going through some tough times. I think she could use judgment-free support.
I will not ask her any questions. I can’t really explain why, except that when person is going through emotional turmoil, even the simplest of questions can cause anxiety. (Don’t ask me how I know.) I just want to give I Won’t Take It a round of applause and build her support network, without more.
Just Me With . . . a Liebster Award.
I danced around it on my Angela Jolie Post, my Adultery Diet Post and I described some of the effects of it with We Thought You Were Dead, Mommy — Almost F*cked to Death and the Twilight Zone posts but I never really say it. Even here and now within the constraints of a blog post I’m not going into great detail, not in one post anyway. Plus, posts are supposed to be short, right? I can only write so much here. (Thank goodness.)
There have probably been seeds of it implanted in me from my childhood, and in young adult life when I did a miniscule about of modeling. Years later I lost a lot of weight after my children were born, initially as a result of breastfeeding multiples and later from sheer exhaustion. See Fertile Myrtle.
But somewhere in my mind I have had this fear of “getting fat.”
Then there was the negative reinforcement of the world, it seems, when people said,
“You don’t look like you have five kids . . . “
It is meant as a compliment. But it probably got my psyche thinking, “What if I didn’t look like this?“
So, after the children, I kept busy (as if I had a choice with all those kids), watched how much I ate, and stayed slim. And I’d pretty much given my body to my husband, “Sex On Demand“.
Maybe I was still feeling vulnerable from my his stupid brief affair with a much younger woman.
“Maybe,” I thought, “I can’t get younger, but I can make sure I don’t get fat.” I don’t know.
Maybe I felt out of control because I suddenly had so many children and was completely overwhelmed yet somehow needed to make it look effortless. The Superwoman Syndrome.
So I stayed slim, but not yet dangerously so. I got some new clothes, highlights in my hair and was trying to give myself a home makeover — the new me — still fabulous after five kids, who were finally out of the diaper, toddler, and preschool grind. I could see a light at the end of the tunnel. Maybe we’d be able to leave the house soon?
But then . . . my husband left me . . .
. . . and I pretty much stopped eating.
Ironically his love interest at that time was younger and significantly heavier than me. My being thin and sexually available was ultimately unsuccessful. Maybe I just should have become an incredible cook . . . but I digress . . .
At first I was too devastated to eat, and that, simply, continued.
I never used laxatives, or induced vomiting. (I absolutely hate throwing up). I just stopped eating, or really ate just enough to keep from falling over. I had a lot of other “behaviors” — they call them. Whatever, I don’t want to think about it now. Though it never got as bad as those horrifying pictures one sees on the internet, I admit it makes me uncomfortable to look at pictures of myself during my worst times . . . and I have destroyed most of them.
I was a bit like Emily in The Devil Wears Prada, except not nearly as glamorous.
I was in the throes of a deep, deep depression. But I had children, so I continued doing what I had to do for the most part, except . . . I failed to nourish myself. Or, I nourished myself just enough to continue to take care of the children, short-term.
Was it a cry for help or a form of suicide when suicide was not an option?
Funny thing happens when you don’t eat much or often,when you do eat you are rewarded with pain and nausea. Hardly incentive for a person who was crying all day long anyway. So I ate just enough to function, but my resistance was down, physical strength drained and when I started having dizziness and heart palpitations and losing my hair and a couple of hospitalizations and a blood transfusion later? Well, perhaps there was a problem. (Ya think?) Not to mention my historically unhealthy relationship with my estranged husband, see My High School Self, and the crap I was dealing with when he left. It was a rough time. Call me Forrest Gump, but that’s all I have to say about that — now, anyway.
They say I suffer(ed) from Anorexia.
I actually don’t feel like talking about this stuff. I mean, I’m hardly the face of —- gulp — an eating disorder. I’m an adult woman of color who has been diagnosed with a disease whose poster child is the face of a 14-year-old white girl. The stereotype for me is either the big mama in the kitchen or the strong, sassy and proud single mother. Well, I was/am neither. Food and cooking holds no interest for me and I did not choose, nor do I wave the banner of my suddenly single mother situation, it’s just something I have to deal with.
No matter, “Anorexia” is in my medical charts, I have been referred to and evaluated by a facility for eating disorders who determined that because of my family obligations, I should be treated privately. Whatever. I don’t feel like discussing it right now. Wait, did I already say that? It’s too much for a blog post, anyway, right? (Thank goodness).
Long, painful, story short, I’m so much better now. Therapy, medications for depression and medications for my chronic stomach ailments caused by my poor eating habits have helped tremendously. Though I’m off the daily anti-depressants now, see Getting Off The Meds, I’ve found that changing my lifestyle and removing triggers — as much as I can — have helped tremendously also. So I eat now, not always well and not with enjoyment, but regularly. I’m at a good weight, or so I’m told — I never look. People tell me I look great. (People in the know are careful not to exclaim that I’ve gained weight.) To look at me now, no one would know of my “issues.” Still, when I am down or stressed, I don’t eat. And sometimes, I just forget. It’s probably something I have to watch for a long time, maybe forever. But whatever. I am much healthier than I was, which is the most important.
Just Me With . . . well, they say it was anorexia. They say.
P.S. This may be the first post I delete.
Before I get beat up in the comments because I’m a mom and have to take care of myself for my kids, etc. , know that this just skims the surface (I mean people write whole books on this stuff), that I love my children and have worked my behind off for them, have tried to protect them and have provided a good home (a good part of which I built myself), that even mothers can go through a bad time, having children does not make one immune. I’ve learned that I have to feel good about me. Period. The rest will/has to come from that.