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My Ex-Husband had pissed me off again, with a modified Nanny text that illustrated the fact that the inconvenient visitation schedule is my obligation to uphold and his option to ignore.
I’m sick of it.
To the inevitable comment that “at least he sees them, ” I refer to Misplaced Praise of a Father is Not Good Manners.
The whole thing sucks. No other word for it. Well, there are other words but that’s the one I’m going to use.
I was pissed. Actually, I don’t even want to talk about it. There are so many things wrong right now and I have so very few acceptable or advisable or helpful responses or resources. I’m exhausted and overwhelmed. Five kids ain’t no joke. Yes, sometimes things get to me, despite my blessings. I’m human, and often treated like much less.
Holly Hunter plays a divorcee in Living Out Loud. Excellent film.
To cool down I went for a drive. Well, I drove and parked. First I parked at the kids’ school, then the grocery store parking lot, then the bank lot, then on the street outside of a pizza joint. When I remembered that I hadn’t eaten in almost twelve hours I figured food would help my mood. Since I was alone I figured I could treat myself to dinner at a diner. The diner would be open for another hour and a half or so and there were some people still there so I went on in.
I took a booth for comfort. No reason to perch on a stool when there were so many empty tables available. I was thankful no one I knew was there. I was not feeling like small talk. Overhearing one waitress complaining that she was so tired and that her shift was just too long and another waitress complaining that she’d only made $9 the whole day, I made a mental note to leave a decent tip.
I enjoyed the quiet, the children can be, let’s say, over-stimulating. (That sounds so much better than saying my offspring can be a pain in the ass, don’t you think? Don’t worry, I’ve withdrawn my application for Mother-Of-The-Year.)
I ordered and resumed my texting and tweeting.
When I looked up all the other patrons had gone. I was the only one left. Basically, the restaurant was staying open just for me.
I took dining alone to a whole new level.
Typical.
Just typical.
I ate quickly and gave a fifty percent tip on a cheap meal. I was calmer by the time I got home.
Just me with . . . NO ONE!!!!!! I mean it. Nobody at all. Whatever.
Just Me With . . . 
I am new to this blog, so if you’ve talked about this before I apologize. But when he inconveniences you, and always in such a disrespectful way, what if you just said no? What would happen if you didn’t accommodate him? I’m not being sarcastic or facetious…I’m honestly curious to know what he would do.
Well, first,thanks for visiting! Yes, I have talked about it before some. I reference it in the “I AM Here I Am Here” post. The short answer is that I do, on occasion, say “no” but I pick and choose my battles. For the most part, saying no usually results in him being intrusive and even more difficult. I know this from experience. I call it feeding the dragon. If I don’t feed the dragon, we can go about our activities, mostly. I have to balance the result I may or may not expect with the backlash I(we) will receive and also what the kids want in the end. So, for example, if he doesn’t pick up the kids when he’s supposed to and drops them off early, the kids are just as happy to be able to sleep in or start their homework early. I don’t force adherence to the schedule in those cases. On the other hand, if a kid wants to be able to go to a party or sporting event we “ask” if they can and he will usually say yes, so long as it doesn’t appear that it was my idea. On times when I haven’t “asked” properly (in his mind) or have asked too often (in his mind) then the next time he sometimes says no or scolds the kids saying, “homework is not a good enough reason to skip the visit” or “you are going to have to miss time with your friends to see me” or “your job feeding cats is not important enough” (in that case the kid asked if he could just come a little later but she’d asked within the last month so he was pissed) — and that causes a lot of stress on the kids and they constantly worry about what they will have to miss. Okay, so this wasn’t really a short answer.
When he is triggered, our lives are harder. So I don’t trigger unless it’s very important.
I just have to remember that I’m important, regardless of how he treats me and my choice to “allow” it. It’s strategy. I know it, sometimes it gets to me, though.
I understand now. So it’s his world and we’re all just living in it. Got it.
I call it “poking the bear”. When I read stories like this I’m glad my ex, the swooper, doesn’t want to see mine any more than he does even if I’m still sad for my girls. And thank you for withdrawing your MotY application. That means I’m still in the running!!
OMG and I totally just go park someplace when I’m pissed. It’s usually Sonic with a giant diet coke!!
I just found your blog and I love it. I totally relate to your experiences as I am in the middle of a divorce right now. And yes, I am always eating alone. But I rather eat alone than not eat out at all. People need to get over it.
Thank you. I like the quiet of eating alone. Plus, even if the food isn’t fancy or expensive it is such a treat for me to not have to plan, prepare, or clean up after a meal.
You write really, really well. This was an interesting read. Thank you for sharing your personal experiences with us. There is a lot people can learn, I’m sure.
Thank you very much. I really needed to hear that today!
[…] Pissed: Parking and Dining Alone Fun fact. This was the same diner. […]
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More content, please!
Love your writing.
If not a new blog post, please publish that novel. I will grab it up!!
Thanks!
Thank you! I’m working on one.
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