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My Ex-Husband had pissed me off again, with a modified Nanny text that illustrated the fact that the inconvenient visitation schedule is my obligation to uphold and his option to ignore.

I’m sick of it.

To the inevitable comment that “at least he sees them, ” I refer to Misplaced Praise of a Father is Not Good Manners.

The whole thing sucks. No other word for it. Well, there are other words but that’s the one I’m going to use.

I was pissed. Actually, I don’t even want to talk about it. There are so many things wrong right now and I have so very few acceptable or advisable or helpful responses or resources. I’m exhausted and overwhelmed. Five kids ain’t no joke. Yes, sometimes things get to me, despite my blessings. I’m human, and often treated like much less.

Holly Hunter plays a divorcee in Living Out Loud. Excellent film.

To cool down I went for a drive. Well, I drove and parked. First I parked at the kids’ school, then the grocery store parking lot, then the bank lot, then on the street outside of a pizza joint. When I remembered that I hadn’t eaten in almost twelve hours I figured food would help my mood. Since I was alone I figured I could treat myself to dinner at a diner. The diner would be open for another hour and a half or so and there were some people still there so I went on in.

I took a booth for comfort. No reason to perch on a stool when there were so many empty tables available. I was thankful no one I knew was there. I was not feeling like small talk. Overhearing one waitress complaining that she was so tired and that her shift was just too long and another waitress complaining that she’d only made $9 the whole day, I made a mental note to leave a decent tip.

I enjoyed the quiet, the children can be, let’s say, over-stimulating. (That sounds so much better than saying my offspring can be a pain in the ass, don’t you think? Don’t worry, I’ve withdrawn my application for Mother-Of-The-Year.)

I ordered and resumed my texting and tweeting.

When I looked up all the other patrons had gone. I was the only one left. Basically, the restaurant was staying open just for me.

I took dining alone to a whole new level.

Typical.

Just typical.

I ate quickly and gave a fifty percent tip on a cheap meal. I was calmer by the time I got home.

Just me with . . . NO ONE!!!!!! I mean it. Nobody at all. Whatever.

See also I AM Here! I Am Here! I Am Here! Said the Nanny