Another Kind Heart

Desperate Housewives, Bree and Gabby

Desperate Housewives,
Bree and Gabby

Last week I had another surprise interaction that touched me, deeply.

I was leaving my daughter’s basketball game and was stopped by another mother who I’ve been acquainted with for at least ten years, meaning before the separation and divorce.  Our oldest boys went to pre-school together and are in the same activities now.  Our daughters play the same sport.  We’ve never  socialized outside of school events, though.  She’s married, well-to-do (understatement), attractive and always stylish, and I suppose I always thought we didn’t have much in common on a personal level.  But unlike some of the downright snobby parents I’ve met, though,  she’s always been friendly, genuine, and approachable.

Desperate Housewives,Bree

Desperate Housewives,
Bree

That day, she approached me, and we chatted about some upcoming events.  Then she got personal.  She asked about my ex-husband’s new family.   Apparently he’d brought them all to a game recently.  I wasn’t there.  She must have been.  Seeing them must have made an impact.  She asked if I spent time with him, and I answered honestly, “No, we do things separately.”

She paused a moment, took a deep breath, then shared that her father had suddenly left her mother when she was a child, and that it had deeply affected her mother and the whole family and does to this day.  She spoke of eventual healing but said that according to her mother, who had no choice but to accept the situation, it just “wasn’t what she signed up for.”   She offered her support, saying that women should help each other more, but often we’re left feeling alone, just holding the bag.

She looked me square in the eyes and said,

“This must be hard for you.  And I want you to know that I know that.” 

And, standing there in the high school gym,  I felt like it was okay to admit that, yes, it is hard for me.   It felt good not to pretend otherwise, for just a moment.

Desperate Housewives,Bree and Gabby

Desperate Housewives,
Bree and Gabby

Just Me With . . . support, from an unlikely source, who knew just what to say.  I was deeply touched.

Other kind words:

Riding With My Boss

When I Needed A Helping Hand

 

 

 

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5 responses

  1. Its so touching.. May GOD bless u.

  2. I, too, know it is hard. My daughter tried to be brave when she divorced. I had to tell her I knew it was hard. She wanted to be brave and not need anyone. She did need to hear it from others. Thankfully, she had a really good friend and a really good brother of her ex and his wife who helped her through the hard times. Of course, the rough parts still continue. It is good the woman spoke frankly with you. That story is heartwarming.

  3. I can tell you it goes both ways. My wife abandoned me 3 years ago, and it still affects me and our 24 year old son. There was no animosity, she just left. Fortunately I have a good support group. But yeah, it hurts a lot.

    1. Yes, it does. Getting left, especially suddenly, and then dealing with a life turned upside down — well, it’s no joke. What I have found is people who seemingly randomly help me because of something they witnessed their parent(s) going through. Sometimes the long term effects of abandonment materialize in later life when people lend a helping hand. I hope my kids, as adults, volunteer to help someone — any way they can.

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