Still Sleeping On “My Side Of The Bed”


Okay, it’s been years now since he moved out. It’s a different bed. Hell, it’s a different house. And he’s married now, for goodness sake.

So why am I still sleeping on my side of the bed?


It’s amazing how old movies take on such different meanings after that stuff happens to you!

Like the scene in When Harry Met Sally when they discuss their post break up sleeping habits. It went right over my head for years – when I was married. Until my unfortunate (or fortunate) events brought it to the forefront and made it exceedingly relevant.


Harry: Ok, fine. Do you still sleep on the same side of the bed?

Sally: I did for a while but now I’m pretty much using the whole bed.

Harry: God, that’s great. I feel weird when just my leg wanders over. I miss her.

I actually enjoy sleeping alone; I don’t miss sleeping with him. But unlike Sally, I don’t use the whole bed, either.

What is it?

There’s the practical considerations, namely that my phone and alarm clock are on one side. But really that would explain why I get up on that side not my entire sleeping geography.

My ambien is on that side too. Now I’m talking. Once ingested I tend to sleep in whatever position I was in when I took a sleep aid. I realized this fact when I woke up very sore two weeks ago, in the same position I lay my head down in.

But I don’t take a sleep aid every night.

So why stay on one side of the bed?

It’s like I’m saving a place for someone.


Am I waiting for Prince Charming?

Or am I still programmed to be part of a couple?

Or is it just a force of habit?

Like Harry, I was married a long time, longer than I’ve been separated or divorced. And though I’ve had visitors to my bed on occasion, I’ve never had anyone stay more than one night (and, honestly, those single nights were too damn long). Divorced Harry stayed on his side of the bed. Was it the marriage thing? Does my body still think it’s a marital bed?


Maybe being curled up on my side of the bed is just my way of snuggling — with myself.

I remember when just days after my then husband moved out one of my daughters asked me,

“Who’s going to sleep with you now?”

Damn, still waiting for an answer to that.

In the meantime, here is a product I accidentally found online. I swear I wasn’t looking for this.

The Companion Pillow.

This is the pillow that holds you when your partner cannot. Shaped like a man’s torso, the pillow has a flexible arm that wraps around you as you lie on its burly, comforting chest. Made from fiber-fill, the pillow contours to your body and provides a soft sleeping surface that’s both physically and emotionally supportive. The pillow is dressed in a soft polyester button-down dress shirt, and unlike the real thing, the pillow won’t keep you awake with incessant snoring. Cover is removable and machine-washable. 24″ L x 17″ W x 7″ H. (2 lbs.)

Just Me With . . . no one on his side of the bed.

Update: The Companion Pillow is apparently no longer available at Hammacher. If you are interested, there are other retailers offering the same or similar products.

If you are interested. I, however, am not.

See posts about visitors to the other side of the bed:

“We Thought You Were Dead, Mommy” — Almost F**ked to Death

Facebook Mutual Friend with the Ex’s Girlfriend? – Part One

If I’d Married My Stalker

10 responses

  1. I have been divorced 30 years and I still sleep on my side of the bed because it was the side I chose. Basically, I always chose which side would be mine–the side nearest to the bathroom. Otherwise, I would kill myself every night, stumbling to the bathroom.

    Comfort? I have two king-sized pillows, one on each side, two pillows under my head and another to the left. The two pillows under my head are squishy so I can get my neck in the right position. The one to my left is for propping my arm with nerve damage and now the shoulder with arthritis. The king-sized pillows on each side are for propping my knee on for my back’s sake. No, this is not because I am old…lol…it’s because it more comfortable than having someone in the bed.

    I have my little nest and have slept this way for over 25 years. I like it. When I get rid of the king-sized bed, I will get a twin bed. That’s all the room I need. Both sides will be mine. Apparently, no one is going to sleep with me now…lol. Snoring is not going to happen in my bed. Funny pillow…no thanks.

    The other side of the bed is good for stacks of clothes, books, or sheets.

    1. It is all about the comfort. I just like to curl up on the same side of the bed I always have. Always the right side (from on the bed, right side), even if it’s not as close to the door. Weird. It’s been a problem for the couple of visitors I’ve had who seemed to think that I was sleeping on the wrong side of the bed, the man side. Weirder. I stretch out occasionally but mostly I’m still on that side. I like my full size bed. The King marital bed had to go. Sold it on eBay. Yeah I wonder who would actually buy that pillow. Even as a joke that thing is icky.

  2. …almost sprayed Diet Coke from my nose when I saw the Companion Pillow. OMG that has to be a joke…

    The virtual “line in the bed” is a hard one to cross indeed. I don’t think I ever did — luckily, boyfriend Brett assumed the “right” side when he came into my life (which does happen to be the “right” side, so I do think you may be sleeping on the “man side” … haha).

    And btw “I grieve for the situation and not the person”: Sing it, sista! 🙂

  3. Let’s go here: right, upright, phallus, power, tradition, a priori
    Left: breaking of tradition, wrong, evil
    I will stop.
    Women’s Studies opened my eyes.

  4. Loved this post and can relate. I stayed on “my side” for a several months. Now? Girl, I’m all over the place. Right side, left side, center, diagonal.

    The “companion pillow” is a joke right? Please tell me it’s a joke.

  5. This is a great post. I sleep in a crater so deep I couldn’t roll up to the other side of the bed if I tried. This pillow is hilarious! I

  6. For my entire life, I slept on the left side of the bed. My entire life. When I got married I took the left side again. I had always slept on that side no reason to change now. My then-wife said to me, “I want the left side.” I told her she could have it, but she decided to keep the right side of the bed instead, she had grown accustomed to it.

    When she left me, I was devastated. I didn’t know what to do. What I did right away? I moved to her side of the bed. Why? Because when I woke up in the morning I didn’t see her when I woke up or to look for her. I was on her side of the bed…one of the most comforting things in the world when I was married was to look to my left and see her. It’s one of the memories most etched into my brain. With it lost, I decided to create new memories. Now I have a new side of the bed.

    1. That was beautiful. Congrats on your new side of the bed. Congrats on new memories. Thanks for your comment.

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