Julianna Margulies, in (ironically) “The Good Wife”

I heard somewhere that a good lawyer can take two inextricably  related concepts — facts that are fused together, if you will —  and think of them separately.  Yin from the Yang.  Well, I’m still a lawyer.  When I was practicing, before all the children, depression and heartbreak, I was a good lawyer.   I can do this.

So “but for” the kids, how do I feel about my ex-husband’s wedding? 

Up until now my concerns about the wedding  have been the poor way in which it was announced to me via the kids (unsuccessfully, see How I Found Out that My Ex-Husband Is Getting Married), the kids’ reluctant involvement in it, dealing with one kid’s downright hysteria about it, and the other kids’ unusual silence.  Also, I’ve had to deal with the happy couple taking the children shopping to dress them  for the event and the changes in the visitation  schedules necessitated by the  preparation for  and  the event itself.

On a personal level, I admit that since this will be the first time since they were little that  the girls have all gotten dressed up for anything — and it’s for their father’s wedding — and I am not involved –well,  that smarts a bit — but again that  has to do with the  kids.   Additionally,  I worry that if  I do become upset about the wedding, either teary or angry, how will that make the kids feel when they get home?   But that’s still about the kids.   Plus, I have thought about  how it will be to have to deal with this woman with respect to the children  going forward once she gets her “Mrs” since there have  been some issues.  But again, the issues are all related to the kids.  It’s  all stuff all related —  directly or indirectly–  to the children.

So I’ll  do the lawyerly thing and take the kids completely out of the analysis.  

Accordingly, with respect to making a determination as to how I feel regarding my ex-husband’s impending nuptials,  I hereby order that for the purposes of this post, and this post only, such determination shall be made without any consideration whatsoever of   the minor children born to me  and him during our now dissolved union.

It’s a stretch, but  . . . okay — be gone– thoughts of children!!!

Now how do I feel about my ex-husband getting married?

F*ck if I know.  

Really, sorry for the profanity . . . but I guess I’m a little  freaked out by the fact that I don’t feel much about it.

Is this going to be one of those things when I think I’m fine and then I end up in a heap on the floor calling my counseling hotline?  I really don’t think so.

I’ve had two friends volunteer to “do something”  with me that day.   Am I gonna need that?    I mean, okay,  maybe I shouldn’t do “nothing” that day, but really, I’ve done the nervous breakdown thing before and this doesn’t feel like that.  And I’d like to, need to, spend more time with friends, but not necessarily on that day simply because it is his wedding day.

It seems that people  are afraid I will fall apart because of all that I’ve been through.   But, for once, perhaps because of all that I’ve been through,  I don’t think that I will — fall apart.

Again, taking everything else away (and there’s a lot)  . . .

I really don’t think that my ex-husband getting married is a matter of my concern.

I don’t care.

Huh.  There you have it.

So ordered.  Judgment in favor of “I don’t give a f*ck.”

That said, the kids will be gone for a few hours that day.  Now that I’ve established that I don’t have  feelings about him getting married (again, taking the real crap out of the analysis), what should I do on his wedding day?   I don’t feel like planning something particularly special or completely out of the ordinary  because that seems so . .  .  well  . . .  reactive. 

So . . . what to do?  What to do?  (Or, did I just completely sidestep how I feel by finishing up by talking about what I should do?)

Just Me With . . . no feelings about and no plans for my Ex-Husband’s Wedding Day. 

Postscript:  His wedding day has come and gone.   I Was The Nanny When My Ex-Husband Got Married

Related Posts:   He’ll Be Married, I’ll Be Free

I Don’t Love Him