Last night I went to a jam session.  I took  my kids and one of their friends.   I have hopes that someday my kids will participate.  They take lessons,  they have some chops, but they don’t have the confidence or drive to get up there.  So last night they were there to listen.   Still, something beautiful happened.   They clapped . . .  for me.

I played multiple times,  I took solos, and after each, they clapped  . . . for me.   (In case you’re wondering, they weren’t the only ones.)   But  as I look back on it today, the fact that I got applause from “those people I made” is something I really needed.   They were there, in my element,  watching/listening and clapping at the appropriate times.   They showed genuine appreciation for the music, for me, and for the other musicians.  They may never get up there.    But they know their mom can, does and loves it.  They know I have credibility with other musicians — something which  has nothing to do with them or being their mom.

I’ve had a hard time with my particular situation,  the demands on me, my current place in life and the journey that brought me here.  I’d been feeling  a bit beat-down lately.  Periodically, or sometimes consistently, leaving  the  “me” behind to meet the needs of my children and be there for them  had been taking a toll.   I’m a sensitive person, but you gotta have a thick skin to raise people, and sometimes, it’s well . . . hard.     But last night, things were different, so different things were almost upside down.  I wasn’t one of the many supportive parents taking pictures and cheering my kids on at a school performance or sporting event.  They were there watching, clapping for and taking pictures of — me.  And it was good —  to play music, it was good to have a respectful audience, it was good to  back burner the  “mom” nameplate yet still have the children with me.   In short, it was good to be Just Me.

After a while it was getting late,  and they were ready to go, as was I.   As we got up to leave I was asked to play one more set.  The kids didn’t seem to mind that much. I played.  They clapped.  No complaints.  At the end of he night  I thanked them for coming.  (Mind you they did get some food out of the deal.)  But the lack of eye-rolling, whining, fighting and squirming — and their applause . . . they don’t even know how much I needed that.

Sometimes a girl just needs a little applause.   I may call my mom and just clap for her.

Just Me With  . . . my music and my  kids . . . . just being me.