Fifty Shades of Grey

You know those posts, reviews, rants or raves about a topic the author knows nothing about?

Well, this is one of them.

Actually this is only inspired by something I know nothing about, “Fifty shades of Grey.”

I haven’t read it, all I know is what I happen to see written or said about it in passing.  I know that it’s very popular it’s been critiqued for it’s literary value or lack thereof.  Reportedly, it is very  sexually explicit  . . . and adventurous?  Is that right?

Whatever.  I haven’t read it only because it doesn’t interest me — not my cup or tea right now.

My problem, however, is that I’ve heard it described as “Mommy Porn.”

“Mommy” Porn?  Seriously?

I take offense.   People need to stop inserting the word Mommy in front of an otherwise serious,  established or even, dare I say, “respected” genre in an attempt to diminish or qualify its meaning. In other words, don’t use the word “Mommy” if the topic has nothing to do with mothering!

Porn is Porn.  I don’t know if Fifty Shades is actually Porn.   But I know it’s not “Mommy Porn.”

What does “Mommy Porn”  even mean?  Does it mean that mothers are aroused, as opposed to women who don’t have children?  (Because, guess what, not all women have children — shhhhh!!!!)

This woman is reading. I don’t know whether she has given birth. Is this “Mommy Reading”?

Whether or not Porn is enjoyed by “Mommies” as opposed to “Women”  is  a distinction without meaning.  I’m no porn historian, but I think that I can confidently say that historically,  mainstream porn was directed toward heterosexual men —  largely pictures of naked ladies or depictions of male conquests.  Then someone figured out that women might enjoy porn more or differently  with some tweaking (heh heh heh).  Hence, the birth of erotica or “Porn for Her”  — Porn that is engineered specifically for the arousal of women or hetero or lesbian couples — i.e. for WOMEN!   Does it matter whether the women have given birth?  Uh, no.

I can live with identifying  pornography created for a particular gender or sexual preference  when it’s descriptive —  i.e. gay porn which features gay sex meant to arouse gay people.  Duh.

But what is Mommy Porn?  Mommies having sex with each other with their babies in the next room?

I don’t think that’s what’s they mean.

Is  Fifty Shades of Grey referred to as  “Mommy Porn”  because it’s  sold in Target?

Because it has no pictures?   By the way,  I was in Target yesterday and paged through it.  No naked men.   hmmph

Do the people who use the phrase “Mommy Porn” believe that there is a genre of work that appeals only to the prurient interests of  women who have given birth?  Is a mother’s sexual appetite or fantasy different from  a woman who has not had a child?  Well, that’s just stupid.  Hence my rant.

Yes, yes, I know, I’m being too literal.  It just irks me.

If there was a true thing as “Mommy Porn” — something that turns only mothers on, wouldn’t it be something that gave, especially a mother of a newborn, maybe six hours of uninterrupted sleep?  Now wouldn’t that be a turn on?

Or for the mother of  older children — having a day where her children don’t ask for or expect a damn thing from her all while doing whatever she said without so much as an eye roll?  hmmmm  oooohh  ahhhhhh  

“And the child left the room silently, robotically picking up the toys strewn about the floor,  and quietly closed the door behind him. Hearing the screen door downstairs slam shut she knew she was left alone, and was expected to do . . . nothing. The child knew, instinctively,  that “Mommy” needed to be alone.  She was left to lay in her bed, taking in the smell of the freshly laundered linen. Her eyes strayed to the clock.  No, she had nothing to do, no reason to get out of bed, yet she wondered if   her package would arrive today.  Would the UPS man need a cold drink or a place to rest between deliveries?  The last time he came had been unplanned, unexpected . . . unbelievable . . . ” 

. . .  but I digress . . .

What was I saying?

Oh yeah.  I don’t know what the “Mommy Porn” people mean; I think they just mean that it’s sexually explicit material that “real”  women — who they think would not  enjoy “real” porn  — read.

Once again, “I call bullsh*t.”

No one knows what’s on our computers, phones, or in our underwear drawers or our shoe boxes.  We don’t have to go to Target for the real deal.  And guess what, given how our minds work,  we can concoct full fledged porn scenarios in our minds while  grocery shopping — without assistance from a book, magazine, DVD or battery operated device.

So please don’t call  Fifty Shades of Grey “Mommy Porn.”  It’s an insult to Porn and Mommies.  It’s a book about sex.  And even acknowledging that it’s largely women who are eating these books up, so be it.   If it turns women on, their reproductive history has nothing to do with it.

Don’t even get me started on Mommy Blogs or Mommy Wars.

Just stop it . . .  Daddy.

Just Me With . . .  a little attitude.   Next I’ll discuss the timely and important topic of  using bears to sell toilet paper.