Classic Letterman. If only I could hire him to deliver this list . . .

Since my Ex-Husband sent the kids home to me on Mother’s Day expecting them to tell me that he was getting married,  see My Ex Husband is Getting Married, I’ve compiled a list of  announcements I should  (but of course won’t) make to him on Father’s Day.

Top 5 Father’s Day Announcements To My Ex!!

5.  Your only son (so far) is gay!

(Not that there’s anything wrong with that, a la Seinfeld,  and no, he is not gay, but it would probably bother the Ex, so wouldn’t that be fun?)

4.   I’m getting married, too —  to a polygamist.  So not only will the kids get a father figure,  but I will have  at least three other sister wives  and their kids all helping to raise our children!!!   Isn’t that great?    

(Deciding to raise the children in an alternate lifestyle is always a nice surprise, right?  And this news would certainly trump and dilute his plans to add just one wife to the kids’ lives.   Anyway, I always wondered about what the fourth sister wife’s ex-husband thought about his three  kids, who are school age, calling her new polygamist  husband Daddy, having  all these extra Moms and siblings and doing it all on television,  but I digress . . .  I digress a lot, and often)

3.  I’m suing for additional child support.

(‘nuf said)

2.  I’ve decided to go to your wedding.   I think it’s best for the kids, don’t you?

You Outta Know!

(I’ll attend with the vintage Alanis Morissette, “You Outta Know”  attitude.   Hell, I might even be convinced to offer a song.)

And the classic, almost clichéd announcement, but works every time:

1.  You are NOT the father (a la Maury Povitch) 

Just Me With . . . some Father’s Day Announcements.