So if you read my earlier post, “Facebook Mutual Friend With The Ex’s Girlfriend — Part One” you know that sitting at Starbucks I found out for sure that my Transitional Man –the first man I had dated since my separation — who I’d met by a chance encounter on the street, had also dated my Ex-Husband’s Girlfriend.
When I told him he was freaked out. I do believe he stuttered a bit, “Wha Wha What?” This dude is an ambitious, self-assured lawyer. The fact that he was at a loss for words is no less than extraordinary.
“Yes,” I said, “My husband is living with her.”
“Living with her?” He was astonished.
“Yup.” I was still getting used to it.
Now here’s where I tread lightly. I don’t want to bad mouth the Girlfriend . After all, she is not the woman my Ex left me for (that relationship didn’t work out, surprise, surprise) and though she has done some things that have overstepped for sure, I don’t want to use this post as any kind of venting situation. So I will condense and dilute his comments.
Actually, I didn’t ask him anything about her. He just started talking. It felt like he wanted to be my source of information. First he assured me that they had not slept together. (I find that quite hard to believe, he buys his condoms in bulk).
Then he said something very interesting. He said he didn’t think she’d be very “kid friendly.” Next, he made a most caring comment– he said, “It must be so hard to have another person around your kids who you don’t know and you have no control over.” He added, “I guess you end up just having to trust your Ex and that’s gotta be hard.”
God Bless my Transitional Man — he hit the nail right on the head. Then he repeated that the Girlfriend wasn’t the kid type and volunteered some additional information I won’t repeat. It was somewhat worrisome since he described her as not kid friendly and expressed sympathy at my situation.
Hmmm.
In any event, my Transitional Man turned out to be very sensitive and thoughtful. By the way, he has no kids, never married — so this was particularly insightful. I really appreciated that.
Though he may have been exaggerating his stance for my benefit, it was clear that he was not impressed by my Ex’s choice. Again, I’m not going to repeat all the things he said, but after describing The Girlfriend as “harsh” he said,
“I don’t get it. Going from you to her is [a huge step down].” He compared us to two celebrities but in retrospect the comparison was unfair so I won’t repeat that part. But suffice it to say it was comparing someone currently popular to someone who was, at the time, considered villainous. I’ll still take it as a compliment since he had “experience” with both of us.
Just Me With . . . a Smile on My Face.
Postscript. Not only did my Ex marry the Girlfriend, but they have procreated. So much for her not being the kid type . . .
And the Transitional Man has also married and I believe has children. I mean I could check Facebook and find out, but I’m not going there.
Just Me With . . . 
[…] [to be continued . . . ] See Facebook Mutual Friend Part Two […]
[…] And of course, there was the accidental discovery that my Ex’s fiancée and I dated the same guy, information gained via Facebook. See Mutual Friend, Part I and Mutual Friend, Part II. […]
‘“It must be so hard to have another person around your kids who you don’t know and you have no control over.”’
Excellent!! I was divorced many years ago, with 3 children, but my ex abandoned us and I moved across the country, so he was never in our lives, for which I was most grateful. I never felt like I could “share” my children, and was never put in a position where I had to. This was all my ex’s idea, I didn’t even realize we were having problems until he moved out…then I found out about his secret life and his other women. (I was so dumb!!)
My oldest son, with 4 children, was divorced a few years ago, and his ex gave him custody of the children, but his ex sees them and is in their lives. He remarried, which upset his ex, and his wife and his ex don’t like each other, although they are both civil and polite to each other.
Somehow I never put it all together before, but when I read that sentence, it all made sense. (I am still so dumb!) Fortunately, my son and his ex still have enough respect for each other as co-parents that they can trust each other as far as having another person entering their children’s lives. And my new d-i-l is a wonderful person whom we all love, and while she does not want to have any children of her own, is a wonderful, understanding, smart stepmom.
[…] with Facebook. See: Facebook Mutual Friend with the Ex’s Girlfriend? – Part One. Facebook Mutual Friend with the Ex’s Girlfriend — Part Two So I finally deleted my account last year. And I felt great relief with that decision, too, by the […]