Well, I did it. I prepared Thanksgiving dinner in my own house for my parents. It was just the three of us. The children were with their father.
Since my marriage ended years ago it has been our practice for the children to be with my ex-husband for Thanksgiving and with me for Christmas. See, All I Want For Christmas is My Kids. So, I’ve been kid-less for many Thanksgivings. I’ve spent a couple of Thanksgivings with my best friend and her large, extended, ethnic family. They are very nice and welcoming and I had a good enough time, but it started to feel weird being alone with someone else’s family. Two years ago I did absolutely nothing (I think, I can’t remember). Last year I went out for Thanksgiving dinner with my parents. We didn’t go to a really nice or fancy restaurant, more like a diner, a nice diner, but a diner, nonetheless. The food was okay, but I found the whole scenario depressing. There were a lot of older people, elderly people. It smacked of a refuge for souls who had no where else to go.
So this year, I decided to stay home and cook dinner at my own damn house. I decided this on Monday, declining my mother’s offer to have Thanksgiving at their house. That can be (has been) depressing as well, going “home” for Thanksgiving, completely alone, feeling like a grown child, the only child who never moved away (which I count is a personal failure), knowing my sisters are with their families at their homes, knowing that my children are with my ex-husband’s wife’s family. Just thinking about going to my parents for Thanksgiving felt like it was one small step above being the middle-aged single man living in his parents’ basement.
No, I have a home, I reasoned, and even though the children wouldn’t be there, I decided that I would serve Thanksgiving dinner to my parents. Plus, it’ll give them a break.
I’ve hosted Thanksgiving dinner before, but that was in The Big House (formerly the marital home) for my (now Ex) in-laws. This was different. This is my home, alone (except for the bank). My little home that gets very few visitors, despite its extreme makeover. My little home to which some of my kids are too embarrassed to bring their wealthy friends. My little home which has a very nice, slammin’ new kitchen.
So I cooked, for me, for my parents. Cooking does not give me any joy. See Confessions of a Skinny Mom. Still, it was so much less awkward than being at the restaurant. My Mom and Dad ate my food; they were appreciative, and it was good. And though my long-married parents have a tendency to bicker (huge understatement), today they did not. I can’t help to think that it was the locale of the dinner. Had they been at their own home, they would have fought.
In some ways it was my first grown up Thanksgiving, because it was my home, and more importantly, my decision, as opposed to just figuring out how to pass the time while the kids are gone or making sure my parents have somewhere to eat (or, in the old days, doing time with the in-laws). Now I’ve christened my house as our family home. It only took three years.
Weird that my first Thanksgiving dinner in my own house did not include my children, but at least they know that holidays can happen here in our new
Just Me With . . . leftover Turkey, stuffing, green bean casserole, mashed potatoes and something crossed on my bucket list that I didn’t even know was there.
I’m so happy that you had dinner at your house…yes it’s work and sometimes overrated…I’m still working on having a holiday dinner, cooked by me or any semblance of celebrating on a holiday. I am hoping when we move, things will feel less like a transient situation and I can get some joy back in my holidays (it is possible to feel thankful, content, etc….joy is a hard one for me to grab ny the tail yet)
Thank you. It was kinda a big deal, emotionally. I can’t say it was joyful, but it was a step in the right direction. It was the closest I’ve been to celebrating a holiday at my house. (We go away for Christmas, and don’t do any other holidays.) Thanks for stopping by and understanding.
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