Okay, it’s been years now since he moved out. It’s a different bed. Hell, it’s a different house. And he’s married now, for goodness sake. So why am I still sleeping on my side of the bed?
It’s amazing how old movies take on such different meanings after you’ve changed. This scene in When Harry Met Sally when they discuss their post break up sleeping habits when right over my head for years until my recent history brought it to the forefront.
Harry: Ok, fine. Do you still sleep on the same side of the bed?
Sally: I did for a while but now I’m pretty much using the whole bed.
Harry: God, that’s great. I feel weird when just my legs wanders over. I miss her.
I actually enjoy sleeping alone. I don’t miss him. But unlike Sally, I don’t use the whole bed, either. What is it? There’s the practical considerations, namely that my phone and alarm clock are on one side. But really that would explain why I get up on that side not my entire sleeping geography.
My ambien is ont that side too,. Now I’m talking. Once ingested I tend to sleep in one position I was in when I use a sleep aid, this is a fact I grapple with since waking up sore two weeks ago.
But I don’t take a sleep aid every night.
It’s like I’m saving a place for someone.
Am I waiting for Prince Charming or am I still programmed to be part of a couple or is it just a force of habit. I was married a long time, longer than I’ve been separated or divorced. And though I’ve had visitors to my bed on occasion, I’ve never had anyone stay more than one night (and, honestly, those single nights were too damn long).
Maybe being curled up on my side of the bed is just my way of snuggling — with myself. If I sprawled or slept in the middle I would when
I remember days after my then husband moved out one of my daughters asked me, “Who’s going to sleep with you now?”
Damn, still waiting for an answer to that.
In the meantime, there is a product I accidentally found online. I swear I wasn’t looking for this.
This is the pillow that holds you when your partner cannot. Shaped like a man’s torso, the pillow has a flexible arm that wraps around you as you lie on its burly, comforting chest. Made from fiber-fill, the pillow contours to your body and provides a soft sleeping surface that’s both physically and emotionally supportive. The pillow is dressed in a soft polyester button-down dress shirt, and unlike the real thing, the pillow won’t keep you awake with incessant snoring. Cover is removable and machine-washable. 24″ L x 17″ W x 7″ H. (2 lbs.)
Just Me With . . . no one on his side of the bed.