How I Found Out That My Ex-Husband Was Getting Married

We started dating in the tenth grade. See My High School Self, My Vampire Boyfriend. We married after I finished college (he didn’t finish). We eventually had five children, two at a time. We separated years ago, suddenly; it was not mutual, nor my choice.  A nasty and prolonged divorce became final in February. So, after more years than I care to mention, my high school sweetheart and I were finally, legally, broken up.

So, it’s Just Me With . . . my five kids in our little fixer (Ex-Hoarders) home. See Piss, Puke, and Porn. I keep a land line there because I have children, not all of whom have cell phones, and it is important to me to have another number, not affected by minutes or power outages or charging status, that I know will work. Like many people, though, my cell phone is the best way to contact me. Just in the last week or so I had told my ex-husband to please call my cell, rather than the house phone, because I don’t always get the messages right away or get up to answer it.

Two nights ago, I got a voicemail on my house phone from my ex-husband asking me to give him a call about dresses for the girls for his “marriage” in June.

Huh, what?

Let’s review, shall we?

My ex-husband had had the kids for an overnight over Mother’s Day weekend. We arranged for him to bring them back early Sunday so that I could spend Mother’s Day with my children. By my standards, Mother’s Day Sunday was a successful day. The kids did not fight much. They even played together outside and took videos of each other spinning on a swing. No tears, no drama.

Monday evening my ex-husband took the kids for his scheduled dinner time visit. Afterward, he dropped them off as usual. We settled in for watching a little Dancing With the Stars.

The landline rang. We let it ring. My cell phone did not ring. 

I remembered hours later that I had gotten a call and checked messages. I’d received a message from the diving coach. Oops need to return that call, I thought. Next, I heard the message from my Ex-husband, which bears repeating:

“Could you give me a call when you get a chance so we can talk about dresses for the girls for my marriage [in June ]?”

huh (Weird that he didn’t say “wedding” . . . but I digress . . . )

This was Monday night after their Saturday night visit and the redundant Monday dinner.   Since the kids had said nothing, I assumed that they did not know, and this was his way of telling me.

I was wrong.

When I returned his call the next day, he told me that he and his girlfriend told the kids on Saturday, the day before Mother’s Day. He added that he was surprised that THEY didn’t tell me when they got home.  Let the record reflect that the kids got home — on Mother’s Day.

hmm

So, to recap, summarize and conclude:

My ex-husband dropped the kids home on Mother’s Day assuming that they would inform me that he was getting married.  He thought that they would tell me this — ON MOTHER’S DAY!  This was his plan.   And when that plan failed, he left me a voicemail on a landline I don’t answer and that he had been requested not to use.

Happy Mother’s Day to me!

My wedding? (I don’t even remember how much that cost);

My divorce (oh around $35,000 and counting);

Announcement of the Ex’s Engagement? (PRICELESS!)

There’s really no good way to hear this news, but there are really bad ways to announce it, and this was one of them, well actually two: one failed attempt at getting the kids to tell me on Mother’s Day, and another stealth voice mail message about dresses on a phone I don’t answer.

But kudos to my kids who had enough sense not to rush in with this information on Mother’s Day. None of them said anything (and they don’t usually work well together) yet they must have sensed that Mother’s Day was not the day to tell me —  or perhaps they sensed correctly it was not their place to tell me.

Or maybe they thought I already knew?

Regardless, and putting my feelings about the marriage aside, I gotta give props to my kids. And hugs.

Just Me With . . . the best kids ever and a voice mail from my Ex — everything.

Oh, and by the way, he’ll be getting the dresses for the girls.

Postscript: Months later it was one of the kids who told me that the happy couple was expecting.

You know what they say about payback — see “Father’s Day Announcements To My Ex

For an earlier insensitive Mother’s Day celebration, see “Worst Mother’s Day Card Ever”

For a more uplifting Mother’s Day tribute, see “To My Best Friend On Mother’s Day

For a discussion on how I felt about the news, see “How Do I Feel About My Ex-Husband Getting Married”

18 responses

  1. I’d definitely give the kids an extra treat for not sharing that news on Mother’s Day! But of course, don’t tell them why… just say, “It’s just because I wanted to do something nice for you.” :-D

    I’m bracing myself for the day my ex drops that news on me… I think it will be soon.

  2. WHAT.A.DOUCHEBAG. It sounds like something my ex would do. But he’s hit a dry spell just like I have.. so it’s not an issue I have to worry about (for now). But kudos to your kids, regardless of the circumstances. Mine totally would have spilled the beans the minute they walked through the door.

    1. Usually mine come in telling me stuff all the time. It was really weird that they didn’t. I’ve since told them I know and they haven’t said a word about it. I’m a little concerned that they are feeling funny about it.

  3. Expecting your kids to tell your ex the news – That’s just LOW!

    By the way, your kids sound awesome.

    1. Yeah, he’s a real prince. Now I know what to expect if he and his wife decide to have children. He’ll send the children he already has to tell me!!!!

  4. [...] kids home to me on Mother’s Day expecting them to tell me that he is getting married,  see My Ex Husband is Getting Married, I’ve compiled a list of  announcements I should  (but of course won’t) make to him [...]

  5. [...] been like this.    Damn.   My Ex and his Bride  have not proven to be the most sensitive people (this is the man who sent his kids home to tell me he was getting married ON MOTHER’S DAY).  So I don’t expect much, but [...]

  6. My ex left it for my kids to tell me too. I have no idea why he felt he had to keep it a secret.

    1. Mine didn’t keep it a secret, he just left the announcing to the kids, did the same with the pregnancy. Come to think of it, the first time I met his wife (then girlfriend) he wasn’t even there, he’d sent her to bring the kids home. SMH Well actually, I guess I’d met her before. She knew us when we were married. I didn’t remember her, though. She remembered me. Huh.

  7. NO. WAY! you do NOT just leave this in an answer phone message and you certainly don’t leave the responsibility of telling your ex about your new marriage to your kids – sorry, but what a coward! xx

    1. On Mother’s Day. Whatever. The kids were also the ones who told me that his wife was expecting.

  8. [...] that night I asked if he could call tomorrow.   (Plus, after having  just found out that my Ex-husband  is getting married  I didn’t feel like small talk  right then and there with random alley walking landscaper [...]

  9. [...] after our prolonged and contentious divorce  became final,  he has announced plans to remarry (well, he left me a voice mail).  Though I do think it sets a better example for our tween and teen children,  I have many [...]

  10. [...] wedding  have been the poor way in which it was announced to me via the kids (unsuccessfully, see How I Found Out that My Ex-Husband Is Getting Married), the kids’ reluctant involvement in it, dealing with one kid’s downright hysteria [...]

  11. In 2010 my husband left our home because he said he was sick mentally. He wanted a seperation agreement signed to take money from his 401(k). It was dated the end of July 2010. At the beginning of September 2011 he proposed to his girlfriend – she put it on the wedding channel website in 2011 where I learned he had already planned a wedding although we had a year to wait before a divorce could be acquired and ta daaaaaaaa, we had never even discussed divorce.

    1. Correction by Deb, end of July 2011 is when our seperation agreement was signed.

  12. [...] Postscript:  I thought this was the most insensitive thing he could have done on Mother’s Day.  I was wrong.  See “How I Found Out That My Ex-Husband Is Getting Married” [...]

  13. I try not to dislike me, really I do. That reminds me of my almost ex askig my nine year old son, two months after he moved out, how he’d like it if he married his new girlfriend. It’s just all so extremely gross!!

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